Week 8 Recap

Keith stomped my ass in the picks this week. He pulled a 9 to 5 (which from now on will be known as a Dolly Parton) versus my pathetic 4-10. Keith’s most inspired picks were Miami over Buffalo and Cleveland over Jacksonville, good calls both. I don’t even want to check if he’s overtaken me for the year, but my guess is he has. But like a great man once said, “I’ll be back.” I think it was General MacArthur.

Anyhoo, great job Keith. You deserve the win, even if the final margin would’ve been a hell of a lot closer were it not for half points. What are half points, you say? EXACTLY!!! What the fuck ARE they? You can’t score HALF a point in football – you score a point. A WHOLE point!! Even points scored by that half a fag Jeff Garcia count as a whole point! I don’t get it.

I had the Patriots, who were favored by 7.5 and won by 7. I also had the Panthers favored by 4.5. Too bad they only won by 4. So I essentially picked these two games right on the money because I actually know something about football, and then I get fucked in the ass by some anonymous Vegas bookie and his precious half points? That ain’t right. At least buy me dinner first before you rape me like that.

The good thing is that none of this matters because the Giants went into Shitsburgh and knocked Big Ben on his big ass. (Seriously – that thing is huge.) I think a great prognosticator (me) wrote something in his preview of the game that said: “The bottom line in most football games comes down to the lines. In this one, I think the Giants offensive line will handle the Steelers defensive line more than the Steelers offensive line will handle the Giants defensive line.”

Damn fucking straight. I give the Steelers credit for shutting down the Giants awesome running game. But they didn’t sack Eli ONCE, while we sacked Ben 5 times. Couldn’t have asked for a better script. (Kudos to Kevin Gilbride, BTW, for sticking with the run even when it wasn’t working. I’m not being sarcastic in the slightest. It was extremely smart and helped win the game for us.)

Can I just take a moment to salute Mr. Manning for delivering once again in a big spot? To have the presence of mind to intentionally call that second consecutive timeout on 4th and 1 in the fourth quarter was genius. He said afterwards that the play they were supposed to run after the first timeout definitely wouldn’t have worked, and he preferred to take the penalty and take his chances on 4th and 6 instead. That takes colossal cojones.

Then what did he actually do on the 4th and 6 play? His best throw of the game, the 35-yard strike to Toomer down to the 6 yard line to set up another field goal. Just awesome. It’s plays like this that make me believe Eli could win multiple titles, and that my prediction offered in the very first week of this humble blog’s existence – that the Giants would be back in the Super Bowl this year – will come true.

Up next? Dallas comes to Giants Stadium. I was hoping for “Make Jessica Simpson Cry” week, but will have to settle for “Make Brad Johnson’s Kids Cry” week instead. Should be fun!

Special programming note: Keith and I have a very special announcement to make, but it deserves its own post. Stay tuned gaylords.


3 responses to “Week 8 Recap

  1. Are you serious? Manning can’t manage the clock at all. On two 4th down plays in a row, he either mistimes the play clock or misreads the defense or both. That pass to Toomer was a sweety-caked toothlake on 4th and 6, but it’s safe to say that Eli is unpredictable.

    And yet I’m rooting for him on every down. Even though he lives in Hoboken, the colostomy bag of NY.

  2. I’m totally serious about the two timeouts in a row. The first one was on him, but the second one was brilliant because he knew they weren’t going to make the first down so he gambled that they could regroup to convert the 4th and 6. That’s confidence. And that throw to Toomer had more touch than a priest at Disney World.

    Eli IS unpredictable, and he takes the play clock down to the last second a little too often for my taste, but he’s great at recognizing defenses and he audibles to the correct play about three times as often as he does to the wrong play. Except no one ever gives him credit for that. They only remember when he screws up. Which ain’t often.

    Good call on Hoboken. Fuck Sinatra.

  3. “Maggots and weevils on my rectal highway

    Fucking Sinatra while he’s singing ‘My Way’

    Slow running sores that my syphilis brings

    These are a few of my favorite things”

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