Rather than discuss the football happening this week, I’ll get my picks in quick and talk about other sports stuff. Picks at the end.
So Hernandez has signed us up for a fantasy basketball league. We are diametrically opposed in running Beef Wennington, our team, for the following 8 reasons.
#1: he didn’t go with Touch Me I’m Sikma, which is much better. Bill Wennington is pretty much my favorite awkward tall white guy who can’t play defense, but you don’t have to be a Mudhoney fan to get the Sikma joke.
#2: I told him to sign us up for a live draft. Really, the draft is the most fun part of fantasy basketball. Especially if sharing a team. We’d get together, drink beer, eat beer cans, and decide unimportant stuff like if Emeka Okafor is better than Corey Magette with all the seriousness of an economic summit. We make fun of the stupidest team name in our league (LuvMyPatriots&NKOTB is a runaway), and the guy who picks too many players from his favorite team.
#3. Unfortunately, we are that team, because Hernandez picked half of the frickin’ New York Knicks roster. If you haven’t seen Spike Lee smile in several years, it’s not because he’s an Angry Black Man, it’s because his favorite team *sucks*. Yes, the Knicks have a new coach who stresses offense, which is all you really want in a fantasy league. But we took the shrimp (5’3″ Nate Robinson, who enters the Slam Dunk contest every year and sucks at it ‘cos he’s short), the Wennington guy (David Lee, who is the name of my Korean freshman college roommate who listened exclusively to Erasure and Book of Love), The Criminal (Zach Randolph) and a guy named Wilson Chandler who I thought was on the Mets.
#4. Hernandez wants to lose. He thinks fantasy basketball is a waste of time and detracts from the game. That’s the *point*. Because as we know, about 25% of NBA players try before the playoffs, and those are the ones in contract years. I on the other hand, was forged with a competitive spirit and care not to make a mockery of ourselves.
#5. Hernandez likes watching regular season basketball. That’s okay, I guess–I watched General Hospital with my sister when I was 12. I probably remember more about that season than any highlights from any regular season game ever.
#6. Basketball is a distraction right now! We’re entering Week 10 of the football season and as Hernandez knows I’m knee deep in Liverpool soccer right now.
#7. In case you didn’t see, I’m beating Hernandez in the football pool. Just wanted to throw that in there. Nothing to do with fantasy basketball.
#8. I have an addictive personality. I don’t have the time to check every day for injuries, waivers, trade possibilities, without getting deeply involved in it and wasting way too much time I could be spending watching hulu.com or reading the entire Tom the Dancing Bug comic archive, as I attempted to do today.
Nevertheless, we’re in this thing. It’ll be interesting to see whether we end up competing in the league, or just with each other. I’m pretty sure I’ll be dropping a Knick a week.
Giants over EAGLES (3.5)
Rams over JETS (7.5)
BROWNS (3.5) over Broncos
LIONS over Jaguars (6.5)
Titans (3.5) over BEARS
Bills over PATRIOTS (4.5)
FALCONS (1.5) over Saints
DOLPHINS (8.5) over Seahawks
VIKINGS (2.5) over Packers
RAIDERS over Panthers (7.5)
Chiefs over CHARGERS (13.5)
STEELERS (6.5) over Colts
Ravens over TEXANS (1.5)
CARDINALS (9.5) vs. 49ers