Daily Archives: November 11, 2008

Recap/Fantasy Rebuttal

Going into the Monday Night Football game, Keith and I were/are tied for the week with middling 6-7 records. But we both picked Arizona, so we’ll either end up tied 7-7 or 6-8. No big whoop. (At halftime it’s looking more like 6-8, as San Fran decided to show up this week. So far no sign of Singletary’s privates.)

Update: Arizona pulled out a wild one in a great game I had the pleasure of watching live because my wife went to bed ridiculously early. Nicest thing she’s done for me all month. So Keith and I both finished 6-8 this week.

We’ll have our Week 11 picks in a few days, but the bigger story is Keith and I are gearing up to attend the Ravens/Giants game on Sunday. I believe it’s Keith’s first ever NFL game, we have amazing seats, and I couldn’t be more psyched. Murdering Ray Lewis and Baltimore’s Big Bad D will try to match up with Brandon Jacobs and his 270 pounds of fury. My dick is hard already, in a completely heterosexual way. Maybe Keith and I can cook up a special post or something afterwards to mark the occasion. The football, not my hard dick.


On the fantasy front, Beef Wennington lost its Week 2 matchup 6-3 to a team named Illini. Thanks a lot Keith. When I had control the first week I only lost 5-4. So that either means I’m better than Keith at running the team, or our roster played slightly better in Week 1 and it was complete dumb luck. We’ll never know the answer, which is exactly why fantasy sports suck.

Rather than post a comment on Keith’s fantasy writeup that nobody will ever see, I’ll rebut his points here on the mainpage:

#1. Keith’s right – in hindsight, we should have gone with Touch Me I’m Sikma. But it’s not like he ever stated a preference. What am I, a mindreader? There’s a reason we’re both divorced.

#2. I’m sure a live draft is a lot of fun, but I didn’t have time for one. I realize the camaraderie of a draft is a crucial component of enjoying fantasy sports, but I only have so much free time to waste. Next year, promise.

#3. I couldn’t be prouder to be the guy who drafts too many players from his favorite team. I’d recommend more fantasy nerds do the same, except they don’t actually root for any specific teams because they’re assholes who are too wrapped up in stats.

As I said in the post introducing our fantasy league, I wanted to pick a lot of Knicks because I needed to have some players to root for in real life, AND I figured they’d do well playing for Mike D’Antoni. How’s that working out for us? David Lee, the darling of the white fanbase, is averaging an extremely respectable 10.2 points and 6.2 rebounds per game, and really hasn’t played all that well so far. Nate Robinson is averaging 15 points, 4.3 assists and 2.83 steals. Wilson Chandler’s numbers are 13 PPG, 6 RPG in only 28 minutes per game. And Zach Randolph is 19.8 PPG and 11.5 RPG. Quadruple ha, motherfucker!

#4. I don’t want to lose. I just don’t care if we do.

#5. Granted, regular season basketball isn’t as good as playoff basketball, but any sporting event is a million times better than network television. Let’s see, do I want to watch “How I Met Your Mother” and “Two and a Half Men” or Knicks/Bobcats? A no brainer, no matter how shitty the Bobcats are.

#6. Speaking of Liverpool, I usually hold my nose and root for them over any of the other superclubs in the Premiership, but I was cursing them last week when they were gifted a 1-1 draw they didn’t deserve in their Champions League match against Atletico Madrid. That was the weakest penalty call I’ve ever seen, especially in second half stoppage time! Just terrible.

#7. Keith is up one game in the picks. Still too much football to be played to be talking smack yet.

#8. Yes, Keith’s personality is so addictive and he’s so deeply involved that he mistakenly benched LeBron James in a game last week. Total boneheaded move, and you know what? It doesn’t matter one fucking bit.

I’ve gotta start messing around to make the fantasy stuff more entertaining, cause two weeks in it’s even worse than I thought.