I went 2-1 on Thanksgiving, while Keith went 0-0. What’s up with that? He didn’t even HAVE a Thanksgiving, as far as I know, so make the damn picks! Did the awful triumvirate of games Thursday finally kill him once and for all? I can’t say I’d be shocked – thems were some stinking shitpiles. Hopefully tomorrow makes up for it.
Giants (3.5) at Redskins
I’m thankful for Jerry Reese, and Ernie Accorsi before him, for putting this powerhouse together. I’m also thankful Plaxico Burress didn’t accidentally kill himself at that club, because having to pretend that he was a good guy and we miss him would’ve been a real stretch.
Underrated Giant of the Week: Linebacker Danny Clark. Doesn’t make big plays, but he’s reliable and makes a lot more tackles than you realize. A nice, nondescript fit in this defense, and I mean that in the best way. But about that name, Danny! It took me until Week 5 before I realized you weren’t white. Let’s black it up a little, ok?
Dolphins (7.5) at Rams
I’m thankful the Dolphins get to play the Rams this week because I really, REALLY don’t want the Jets to run away with the AFC East.
I’m also thankful the Rams suck because, well, they’re a St. Louis team, and everything about St. Louis sucks. Sorry Keith!
Ravens (7) at Bengals
I’m thankful I’m not from Maryland or Ohio.
49ers at Bills (7)
I’m doubly thankful I’m not from Buffalo. Holy cock pizza!
Saints at Bucs (3.5)
I’m thankful Jeremy Shockey is now poisoning the Saints instead of the Giants.
I’m also incredibly thankful I’m not not from Tampa Bay. I have family there, and I vow to never visit them again. Twice was way more than enough. The only caveat is if the Giants make it to the Super Bowl in Tampa this year, then I’ll make amends and pretend we’re closer than close so I can stay with them for free when I go there to cover the game.
(Interesting factoid: The Giants have appeared in the last two Super Bowls held in Tampa, a win against the Bills in 1990 and a loss against the Ravens in 2000. Be afraid, NFL.)
Colts (4.5) at Browns
I’m thankful for Peyton Manning, because as annoying as he can be – and he’s REALLY fucking annoying sometimes – great quarterbacks are rare, and the league needs more players like him.
Panthers at Packers (3)
I’m thankful to be going to that Giants/Panthers game in a few weeks, because what looked like a name drawn out of a hat when I bought the tickets before the season started is now looking like a pretty huge game. Score one for me.
Falcons at Chargers (5.5)
I’m thankful people keep underrating the Falcons and overrating the Chargers, because it makes picks like this so easy.
Broncos at Jets (8)
I’m thankful I’m not a Jets fan, because then I’d have to kill myself.
Steelers at Pats (1)
I’m thankful I’m not a Pittsburgh fan because I don’t have to fool myself into thinking my team is a contender, even though I know our offensive line can’t protect the QB, Ben is throwing the ball to the other jerseys at an alarming rate, and Fast Willie Parker, despite the cool nickname, actually sucks.
Chiefs at Raiders (3)
I’m thankful I don’t have to watch this game.
Bears at Vikings (3)
I’m thankful I’m not Adrian Peterson, because that means I don’t have to worry about being pounded into submission every week because my opponents know our passing game blows and the only way we can win is if I run for 150+ yards.
Jags at Texans (3.5)
I’m thankful I don’t bet money on the NFL, because games like this would make me go broke.