Hey dick biscuits!
You’d think that a blog named after a baseball player would’ve been busy all spring and summer talking about baseball. Well, it turns out that baseball is boring to write about. I think we all know it’s boring to watch unless you’re watching the team you root for. My Cardinals have kept me captivated, as I’m sure Mex’s Red Sox have, but Hernandez’s Mets opened their new stadium with a season in crap. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Mets have a ‘Shit the Bed’ promotion later this month, where the first 5,000 paying fans get to head down to the field and excrete on a custom-built 90′ by 90′ mattress. I’ll be selling chili and whiskey outside.
Yes, I know the Mets were plagued by injuries this year. But usually one of the richest teams in baseball goes out and spends money on new players when these things happen. The Mets just rolled over and died. Is this because owner Fred Wilpon got hosed by Bernie Madoff? Boohoo, Freddy. You should’ve invested your paycheck in rent, booze and tacos like the rest of us.
That felt good! It’s been a few months…
Anyway, baseball’s not IKH’s favorite subject to write about. I don’t find it boring to read about, and there are a great number of excellent baseball writers who write about my Cardinals. But I’ve come to the conclusion that the guys who write that stuff do a lot of research, present even-handed arguments, etc. They have a lot of time and semen on their hands.
So what better day to get back to insulting you and entertaining ourselves than the opening day of the NFL season? Let’s do this!
First order of bidness: NFL picks. Hernandez and I did this last year, we had a blast, and he got a free burger out of it. This year we’ll add in Mex, so we may need to switch the prize to all-you-can-eat tacos. And that reminds me–if you come to IKH for tepid, diarrhea-causing jokes, you are in luck, my friend. We have grand plans for you.
Keith’s pick! Steelers -6
Sunday picks coming soon. I need to charge my phone and find out where the hell everybody is.