Tag Archives: Creamy Otter

Of Punts and Pussy: Hernandez Week 2 Picks

20090619_StripClub

I loved Keith’s strip club post, but was a little disappointed he didn’t provide any raunchy photos to illustrate it. If there was ever a time to post T&A on IKH, this was it. It increases traffic to our site tenfold AND it makes my dick hard, which is a win-win for…well, me. A missed opportunity, but I’ll let it slide because The Creamy Otter is genius.

I’ve never been a strip joint guy myself. I’ve only ever been a handful of times, and it’s always unfulfilling. The whole dynamic seems cruel, and I mean to me, not the strippers. Something about not being able to fuck these women really sticks in my craw. Anyway, the only mildly interesting anecdote I have about a strip club is the first time I ever visited one. I was a sophomore in college just starting his first internship at a local television news station in Boston. The station sucked, but the internship was amazing because I basically worked as a reporter, going out with a cameraman to do interviews for our nightly news.

On one of my first days we got word of a triple murder/suicide somewhere north of the city and went to check it out. A guy had walked in on his girl doing some other dude, and he killed both of them and then himself. After asking around we were told off the record – gotta love the police – that the dead chick had been a stripper at a place in Rhode Island, the Mecca of strip clubs in the Northeast. (I realize that’s a little like saying Olive Garden is the Mecca of Italian restaurants in Cedar Rapids, but you get the drift.)

You know what comes next: we decide to go to the strip club to try to get some reaction from the victims co-workers. I walked into The Satin Doll trying as hard as I could not to act like a 19-year-old who had never been inside such a place. Didn’t happen. I managed to get a few questions in with the manager and the bartender, but the rest of the time was spent staring, mouth open, at the naked titties. I wanted so badly to be the hardened detective, like Gene Hackman in The French Connection. Instead I was more like Gene the Stock Boy at French Connection. On the plus side, I WAS pretty hardened.

So where does that leave us in terms of Week 2 of the NFL season? I have no fucking clue. Transitions are overrated anyway, and we’ve got a season to talk about.

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