Tag Archives: St. Louis whore

Cards/Mets! Keith’s team against Hernandez’s team (2 of 4)

mets-cardinals-nl

As Keith posted earlier, he and I are going to do a Cards/Mets back and forth this week as our favorite clubs do battle over four days at New Shea. Here are Keith’s five questions for me, and my answers. We’ll have my questions and his answers tomorrow. Enjoy.

1. David Wright leads the National League in hitting, but he’s not hitting with any power.  He still hits doubles, but he’s also on pace to strike out about 150 times this year.  Is he turning into Ichiro, or worse, Jeter?  And does it bother you that when the Mets’ lineup has been so injury-plagued that he’s not stepping up?

Wright’s lack of power doesn’t bother me. He’s gone through long home run droughts before, most notably in 2006 when he only hit 8 after the All-Star break. That weak second half came after Wright was the runner up in the Home Run Derby, leading millions of dickhead Mets fans to blame the derby for messing up Wright’s swing. It was taken as gospel truth that he suddenly developed an uppercut because he wanted to hit a home run on every pitch. “He’ll never be the same!” they all cried. Except he hit 30 and 33 hr’s the next two years and had his two best seasons. God, I hate Mets fans.

I’ll admit that Wright only having 4 homers this season is a little troubling, but not nearly as much as the increased strikeouts. I don’t know what’s up with that, other than the fact that the whole team is hurt and he’s trying to do too much. A lame excuse, but it’s all I’ve got. Either that or he’s getting too much pussy. Or not enough. Pick one.

2. I see the Mets put Carlos Beltran on the disabled list the very same day that the Cardinals come to town.  Yeah, I know he’s hurt, but the timing is pretty awful, considering that after the Cards series you guys face the Yankees this weekend.  I’m putting part of the reason down to the fact that he choked so hard in Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS.  Adam Wainwright isn’t even pitching in this series.  Why is Beltran such a pussy?

He’s Puerto Rican.

(BTW, am I supposed to be afraid of the Yankees? The same ones who just dropped two straight series to the Nationals and Marlins, and who would’ve lost the Subway Series if not for Luis Castillo’s colossal fuckup on a game-ending popup? Wake me when they stop padding their stats at that ridiculous joke of a new stadium they play in.)

3.  Two-parter.  In many ways the Cardinals and the Mets are very similar.  The Mets have obviously been hit by the injury bug a lot harder this year, but both our teams feature shit-the-pants starters at the back of the rotation, and are coming off years where the bullpens absolutely sucked.

Two differences I’ve noticed: The Mets are relying on veterans like Castillo, Cora and Tatis to pull them through, while the Cards are giving some new faces a chance.  Are those old Spanish guys blocking anybody who deserves a chance right now?

Second, the Cards have been lucky to stay atop the division due partially to the Cubs’ dismal performance in the Central. But the Mets have to deal with the Phillies, who have owned them the last couple years.  How much of a factor is that?

A lot to digest. As to the first part, those old Spanish guys aren’t really blocking any of our young Spanish guys. (The entire Mets organization is pretty much Spanish, if you haven’t noticed.) Our top prospect Fernando Martinez, a 19-year-old outfielder, has actually been with the big club for almost a month. He’s not ready for the majors yet, but they’re desperate for bodies right now. Shit, we’re relying on Gary Sheffield to be one of our top players, which tells you all you need to know about how bad things are.

In addition, most of the Mets best prospects are pitchers, not position players. The organization generally drafts everyday players poorly, which is one of Omar Minaya’s biggest faults. (The other is that he’s a straight up racist.) To compensate for this weakness, Minaya uses the team’s financial clout to sign older, more expensive players to provide depth. While I prefer giving younger guys a chance, as the Cardinals routinely do, I’ll refrain from slamming Minaya totally on this front. His strategy mostly looks bad because all of those veterans are starting right now. But if they were backups no one would have a problem with it. Such is life.

As to the second part, you’re wrong about the Phillies owning the Mets. Sure, the Mets choked a donkey’s dick the last two years, but it wasn’t because of their record against Philly. Here’s the breakdown:

  • 2006 – Mets win season series 11-7
  • 2007 – Phillies win season series 12-6
  • 2008 – Mets win season series 11-7
  • 2009 – Mets lead season series 4-3 

Not as lopsided as you’d think. It’s the fucking Marlins who have killed the Mets the last two years.

4.  What’s it like having Livan Hernandez as your #2 pitcher?  Any cold sweats?  Liquid shits?  Have you switched off of light beer yet?

I feel a sense of serenity when Livan takes the mound, knowing that he will give us a quality start and/or pitch until his arm falls off. You’ve gotta admit that not many 53-year-olds compete the way he does. Sure, sometimes he gives it up like an East St. Louis whore, but all is forgiven, especially when I’m drunk on light beer.

5.  I hear your new stadium’s nice, and I look forward to checking it out with you on Thursday.  But I’m guessing there are still a lot of Long Island Iced Teabaggers in attendance.  Isn’t giving this franchise a new ballpark a little bit like putting shiny new tits on a crack-smoking DP whore?

Yes.

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